girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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