I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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