You can't special order awesome
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
