how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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