well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
