ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize