she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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