Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
