He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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