Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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