I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize