Duck Duck Cougar?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
