I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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