I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
