if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
