omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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