Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
