I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
