I accidentally burped into my bong.
we made out on top of his cat.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
