im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize