I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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