Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
