Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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