What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
