so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
