she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
