No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
