When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
