I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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