So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
