How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
