They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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