I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
