Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
