I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
