Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My ATM looks so different sober.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
