1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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