so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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