I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
