for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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