Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
