It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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