Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
