just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize