i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
