You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
