We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
