He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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