Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
