casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
