you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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