Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
