I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
