just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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