I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
