Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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