I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
