k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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