pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
