dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
