it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
operation have a gay friend backfired
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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