Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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