Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
