i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
