I want to stick my p in your. b.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Bring me that man meat
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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