He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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