sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
